HOWTO: Transform a Cat into a Lamp

How to transform a cat into a lamp in three easy steps:

1. Acquire cat and go live in a high-rise building;
2. Let cat roam;
3. Collect cat from vet.

Done!



Let's examine the steps in detail:



1) Acquire cat and go live in a high-rise building:

Telnette (left) and Chiocciola (@ in Italian).

 

Launch pad is at the very top.

 

2) Let cat roam:

• @ got distracted (by the neighbour's cat) while roaming on the balcony sill;
• during the fall @ used her tail in a helicopter-like fashion;
• after two seconds, or on the height of the (European) second floor she reached feline terminal velocity;
• after that, she relaxed for 0.3 seconds and hit the ground at 100 km/h:

Pseudo-scientific diagrams add credibility.

3) Collect cat from vet:

Pwned paw.

Much to the chagrin of @, this minor injury had far-reaching consequences. Much to our delight, we now have a new lamp illuminating our home:

@ as the "Living Lamp".

Needless to say, @ is rather less pleased than the rest of the family.